How to Ressurect Your Romance: A Therapist’s Guide

Romance is the lifeblood of any thriving relationship. Like many things, romance has the potential to wane in a relationship if we’re not careful. This is normal and often happens because of life transitions, value shifts, or relationship challenges. But it doesn't mean the spark has to be lost forever. As a relationship therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how couples can reignite the passion that initially brought them together. Here are some practical and effective ways to breathe life back into your romantic relationship:

1. Communication: The Heartbeat of Romance

   Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship. However, it’s easy to fall into the trap of talking only about logistics—who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, or what needs to be done around the house. To revive romance, shift some of your conversations to focus on each other’s feelings, desires, and dreams; and even more, keep those conversations about logistics completely separate from your conversations about emotions. Share what you love about your partner, reminisce about the early days of your relationship, and express your needs and hopes for the future. Creating space for meaningful dialogue can rebuild emotional intimacy, which is the foundation of romance.

2. Date Nights & Undivided Quality Time

   Life is busy, and it’s easy to let date nights slide especially if you’re tired, overwhelmed, or just struggling. But consistently setting aside time to reconnect is vital. Whether it’s a candlelit dinner at home, watching each other’s favorite movies and TV shows, or simply a walk in the park, these moments allow you to step away from daily stresses and focus solely on each other. The key is to be intentional—make date nights and quality time a priority and something you both look forward to.

3. Surprise Each Other

  Sometimes, when we’ve been in long-term relationships, we feel like we know all there is to know about our partner. Surprises can reignite the spark by breaking the monotony of our routines and expectations of our partner. It doesn’t have to be grand—leaving a love note, planning an unexpected outing, or preparing your partner’s favorite meal can make a big difference. These gestures show your partner that you’re thinking about them and still invested in keeping the relationship vibrant. Added Plus: it’s a new chance to keep learning your partner!

4. Rediscover Physical Intimacy

   Physical touch is a powerful way to maintain connection and romance. This doesn’t always mean sex—it could be as simple as holding hands, hugging, or a gentle touch on the arm. However, if physical intimacy has waned, it’s important to address it. Openly discuss your desires and any obstacles that might be in the way. Sometimes, couples may benefit from setting aside time to explore each other physically, without any pressure, to rekindle the bond.

5. Shared Experiences: Building New Memories

Shared experiences create new memories and bring excitement into the relationship. Trying new activities together—whether it’s a hobby, a sport, or traveling to a new destination (even a local one)—can bring you closer. The novelty of these experiences can reignite the curiosity and interest that fueled your initial attraction.

6. Address Unresolved Issues

Sometimes, underlying issues can dampen romance. Resentments, unspoken frustrations, or unresolved conflicts can create distance. It’s crucial to address these issues with empathy and a willingness to resolve them. Couples therapy can be an effective way to work through these challenges if needed. Clearing the emotional clutter allows for a fresh start, where romance can once again flourish.

7. Celebrate the Small Wins

Celebrating small victories—whether it’s overcoming a challenge together or simply making it through a tough week—can strengthen your bond. Acknowledging these moments reminds you of what you’ve achieved together and reinforces your connection.

8. Invest in Personal Growth

Romance is not just about the relationship; it’s also about the individuals within it. When both partners are committed to personal growth, they bring new energy and perspectives into the relationship. Encourage each other’s passions, support each other’s goals, and take time for self-care. When you feel fulfilled as individuals, it enhances the relationship and keeps the romance alive.

9. Revisit Your Love Languages

We all have different ways of expressing and receiving love. Revisiting and understanding each other’s love languages—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch—can help you reconnect in a meaningful way. Make an effort to speak your partner’s love language and encourage them to do the same for you.

10. Practice Gratitude

   Finally, practicing gratitude can have a profound impact on your relationship. Regularly expressing appreciation for your partner and the little things they do fosters a positive environment where romance can thrive. Gratitude helps shift your focus from what might be lacking to what works about your relationship, and usually helps you learn more about how to enhance what’s already there.

Resurrecting romance in a relationship takes effort, patience, and a willingness to reconnect on a deeper level. It’s about reigniting the spark that brought you together and nurturing it with intention and love. Remember, romance isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing practice that requires commitment from both partners. By following these steps, you can create a relationship that not only survives over time but one that also thrives. How will you ressurect your romance this week?