Overcoming “negative sentiment override”

Negative sentiment override is when you or your partner are consistently seeing the negative side of your problems or each other, despite any facts or evidence to the contrary. It happens in relationships when your negative attitudes are overriding positive attitudes that would normally be made about the other.

The Gottman Institute suggests asking yourself: "Do I have a chip on my shoulder with my partner right now?" Are you dismissing positive or neutral statements and seeing them as negative? Do you go looking for sleights and are ready to be on the defensive? Do you physiologically get flooded by your partner easily? These are subtle signs you may be in negative sentiment override.

8 Ways to Overcome Negative Sentiment Override:

1. Be Open to Influence From Your Partner

2. Try to look at your partner’s opinion with fresh eyes. Be open to accepting their words and opinion.

3. Acknowledge if your perspective may be rigid, stubborn, or unrelenting in some way. Get curious about why you feel that way.

4. Try to understand how they are feeling and try to incorporate their view into your own.

4. Use empathy to put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, “how can I see this issue from a different perspective?”

5. If you’re feeling bold and up to the task, ask yourself, “what can I learn?” Notice your heart begin to soften as you start opening up to your partner’s influence.

6. Seek to understand the "why" or the "goal" behind your partners perspective.

7. Turn towards bid for connections and initiate them. If your partner engages you, be intentional and present back. If they take your hand, allow them. The key to this is to respond positively and follow through with moments of connection to increase the amount of positive interactions we have. We should try for a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions vs negative interactions.

8. Be patient. Old habits die hard. Keep trying and keep chipping away to create new healthy habits. With consistency, you can create an environment where positive sentiment can be the norm!