How to Cultivate Romance Authentically

For many the first dance between newlyweds is regarded as peak romance.  When I was married almost 20 years ago, my husband and I chose to dance to a Prince song. When discussing this choice with our families we were met with some judgment and negativity.  We heard feedback Prince music was lewd, crass but ultimately not romantic and not for 1st dances as newlyweds. We rejected these opinions and ultimately chose to dance to a song that resonated with the love language we speak to each other. The lyrics still ring true for us today:

Until the end of time, I'll be there for you

You own my heart and mind

I truly adore you

If God, one day, struck me blind

Your beauty, I'll still see

Love is too weak to define

Just what you mean to me

Staying true to our romantic love language for our first dance was very important for charting our own path as a married couple.  Prince’s music has continued to be a recurring theme in our relationship, and as we have grown in relationship, we have developed our own language for communicating our romantic love for each other.  It is so important for couples to chart their own path in their romantic expression.  There are so many societal standards of what romance should be, but what makes romance special, fun and exciting is when it is mutual and personal.  Here are a few strategies to develop your romantic language with your partner.

 Create a Memory Book Together

●      What: Collect photos, mementos, and notes from your time together and compile them into a scrapbook.

●       Spend a cozy evening reminiscing about your favorite moments, and maybe even add some inside jokes or future plans.

 Plan Surprise Date Nights

●      What: Take turns planning surprise dates for each other.

●      Keep the details a secret until the day of the date. It could be something simple like a picnic or an elaborate themed night at home.

 Cook a New Recipe Together

●      What: Choose a cuisine you both love but haven’t cooked before and tackle a recipe together.

●       Make it competitive by splitting tasks or see who can come up with the best version of a dish.

 Create a “Bucket List” of Activities

●      What: Sit down together and create a list of things you both want to try—whether it’s visiting a new place, trying a new hobby, or something adventurous.

●       Turn the list into a playful challenge, marking off each item as you complete it.

 Write Love Letters

●      What: Take time to write heartfelt letters to each other expressing your feelings, hopes, and dreams for your relationship.

●       Exchange the letters in a unique way, such as hiding them where the other will find them unexpectedly.

 Dance at Home

●      What: Create a playlist of your favorite songs and have a dance night in your living room.

●       Try out different dance styles or even make up your own routines.

 Recreate Your First Date

●      What: Revisit the location of your first date or recreate the experience at home.

●       Add a twist by dressing up as you did then or changing one detail to make it even more special.

 Plan a “Staycation”

●      What: Set aside a weekend to turn your home into a romantic getaway, complete with activities, themed meals, and no outside distractions.

●       Create a travel itinerary as if you were on vacation, with fun “excursions” planned around your home or neighborhood.